Thursday, June 5, 2014

10 Things I Hate About Clubbing

Do you know this?
You arrive at a party around 2-ish and find out that the DJ you actually want to see is playing at 6AM, you arrive at 4-ish and everyone is on a different level than you are and then some stupid photographer is taking very cool pictures of girls with midriff-bearing tops. Not the party you want to be at? Me neither.
Since I'm actually pretty annoyed about a lot of stuff happening, here is my Top 10:

10. No Timetables

I'll be honest on this, I mostly choose the clubs and parties for the music and the DJ's who are playing. So when there is no timetable, which is often the case, the chance is high to arrive at a completely wrong time, specially in Berlin. Fortunately...
usually the event leader or facebook pages will help, but it saves a lot time if I don't have to go through every artist page to find out their set time.

9. High Heels

In Berliner clubs almost disappeared due to inconvenience: high heels, still to be seen in some locations. Seriously, why? Nobody can dance on those for more than an hour without crying afterwards. This is really not necessary, and thanks god nowadays also a reason to be dismissed at the door.

8. Wrong Crowd

Clubs choosing who they want to have inside are very rare in Hamburg, they mostly let in everyone 18+ - sadly. This can, and does from time to time, lead to parties where everyone is already drunk at 2, people pushing each other for no reason and bitching people. It's a nightmare. - And I keep preferring the selected parties in Berlin, where everyone needs to be nice in order to be allowed to stay in the club. People should start thinking about their attitude when going out.

7. Alcohol & Drugs

What in Berlin the drugs, is the alcohol in Hamburg. After thinking carefully what I dislike more I decided for the alcohol. People on drugs usually do their own thing, dance, chill or just have fun with their friends but people on alcohol just get annoying, the guys tend to overestimate themselves and the girls are hanging out over the toilet.
Not how I would end an evening with awesome music.

6. Carnival & Glitters

There is places, like for example Sisyphos where people think every weekend is carnival and glitters are to be in your face. Horrible!
I do love confetti tho.

5. DJ-Girls

DJ-Girls, also called booth bitches, groupies or the girlfriend of the DJ.
Deeply from my heart, I hate you. Go home.

4. Going Home

Totally wasted, on the way home and fell asleep in the train? Yeah, happened to me as well.
One of the most annoying things is getting back home after the club.

3. Photos

If tourists, groups that find it funny to take pictures directly at the dancefloor or even clubs themselfes hiring a photographer - It's just horrible and damaging any party. Some clubs already understood this, but some didn't yet, sadly. Just go away with your flashlight.

2. Queues and Bad Organization

One of the most annoying things about clubbing are queues, I went to places where I had to wait for an hour or two at the door while not any reason was given or to be seen. Oh, seriously. It's even worst when you have to wait at the wardrobe for another hour, and then another 10 minutes for a freaking drink.
For some clubs I actually don't mind queuing, but those definitely ensure a flow after the door.
Honestly, if you don't have enough staff to ensure a fluency in guiding in your party-folks, just fuck it - I won't come back.

1. Bad Sound Systems

How can you completely fuck up your party? Put your poeple into a tin can.
Having a crappy sound system is not just having really crappy sound but also irresponsible from the organizer in my opinion. I remember going to Karoline 45 in Hamburg, this was the shittiest 30 minutes (including 20 minutes wardrobe queue) I had to pay for. Seriously, I don't know how and why Levon Vincent still did play his set in this piece of shit, it appears that some DJ's just play for the cash and nothing else matters. Last hope: He never comes back to this location.